They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
