True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
