So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
