In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
