We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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