New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
