yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
