I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
