I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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