I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Your cock deserves a montage
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
