Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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