We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
