I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
