Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
