Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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