ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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