You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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