who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
