Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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