Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
