I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pooping to opera.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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