I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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