For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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