i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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