So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
