you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
