who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
