Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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