you would pick up someone in the library
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
