i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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