He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
