I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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