I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
