yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We need a shit load of segways right now
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
