i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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