Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
