We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
