Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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