we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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