talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
