I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
