Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
