grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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