My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
