Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
