my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
