there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
