Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
