if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
nutella sex= disaster
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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