What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
