My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
